Autumn Series Pt 2 - Burt's Pumpkin Farm & Mercier Orchards

As we have been making a point to enjoy this fall season, we recently took a day to drive north of where we live and enjoy some of the attractions of the seasons. I really wanted to go to Burt's Pumpkin farm because every year, for whatever reason we don't make it up there. I felt like everyone had gotten to check it out but me. So we all piled in my dad's car (Sarah, Me, David, and Daddy) and we drove up to see what we could see. Having decided to forgo a trip to the pumpkin farm the year before because when we got up there it was absolutely covered up (that's southern for there being nowhere to park), and I had just told David to drive on, we decided to go pretty early. In fact, we went right at the end of September. We were really lucky, because at that time of the season, it's pretty busy, but we were able to find a parking space and it didn't feel claustrophobic at all.

The highlight of the farm trip was getting to take a hayride. Sunflowers are my favorite, so I really enjoyed driving through the sunflower and pumpkin patches and getting to see how the farm worked. It was a pleasant ride, and my sister Sarah got to relive her childhood fear of the animatronic Pumpkins (Gordy and Autumn). As a child, they'd seemed really scary to her, so it was fun for her to get to come back and see that it was just a memory laced with hyperbole and that it was really nothing at all to be afraid of.

Something that really resonated with me, was how around that time was when I was struggling to turn my life around and bring my heart back to Jesus. I was feeling a lot of guilt about how I had been behaving toward my faith, and how instead of leaning on Him during the tough times, I had completely pushed Him away and shut it out entirely. Even though I knew in my heart that forgiveness was what the Lord is all about, I was having a hard time forgiving myself and I was carrying around an intense amount of guilt as I sought forgiveness - not feeling at all like I deserved to be forgiven. In fact, for a while, I was really ashamed to even ask my Lord to forgive me.

Well anyway, in the midst of this time, God was everywhere in my life. He never let me forget about Him, now that I was actively seeking him again. I would go to the bathroom at the grocery store, and there would be a sticker on the stall door with scripture on it. I would see billboards, road signs, advertisements on the internet. I would get in the car with my girlfriend, who I rarely talked about faith with, and she would bring it up to me. God wasn't letting me forget about Him this time. He didn't care about my guilt and my shame; He wanted me back. For good, this time.

This hayride was no exception to this rule. Indeed, in no other place but that hayride, those animatronic pumpkins started talking to us about what it meant to be a child of God. Gordy was telling Autumn about how he was afraid to become a jack-o-lantern because they scraped all your insides out and put a light inside of you. Autumn wisely explained to him that it could be a good thing, that becoming a jack-o-lantern was much like becoming a child of God - clearing out all of the bad stuff inside of you and being born again as something new - something with a light inside of you. Someone that can go out into the world with that light and draw others in.

I think a few people laughed, because the lesson was meant for the kids in general. But for me, it was something I still think about weeks later. It was soon after that that I began to feel the forgiveness I was ashamed to seek. At the time, I didn't make the connection or even attribute anything to that message, but looking back, I have no doubt that it was meant for me to hear. I needed to know that all of the things in the past didn't matter. That what mattered now was that I was willing to put it all behind me and open myself up so that my faith could take over. It was the pathway I'd been searching for to be saved again. It just proves that God can use anything to His advantage, anytime, and any place.

Photos courtesy of Mercier orchards

Another great place we visited that day was Mercier Orchards. We got there just in time for the wagon tour of the orchards, and filled ourselves with their famous fried pies, fudge dipped apples, muscadine slushies, and fudge. The store at Mercier's is pretty special because it has so many things to look at - so many different kinds of jellys, jams, preserves, dip mixes, sauces, decorations, kitchen utensils, toys, and collectables. A person could stay there all day.We went home with a frozen jug of cider and a bag of apples - our stomachs begging us for real food. It is always special to get to visit up there and try new things and to enjoy the things that are so unique to that place.

The very best part of that trip was what a laid back and pleasant day that was for us. It really was such a joy to be able to take our time, relax, and spend the entire day together. No one got angry or fussed about time or wanting to do something others didn't - it just wasn't that kind of day. It was one of the most pleasurable Sundays spent in my immediate memory. I am always advocating for more of those. Family so often is put on the back-burner, that we are all guilty of taking our time with loved ones for granted. I know I am extremely guilty of that. And so, it was dually a blessing to enjoy each other and take our time to savor the season and the peace that fall transitions us to receive.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you are enjoying all of the things this wonderful season has to offer!

Blessings! 

Surviving the Newlywed Phase

In life, I am a lot of things. I’m a woman, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a writer, a homemaker, a Christian, a teacher, and too many other things to name. Most notably, and for the purpose of this piece, I am human. Sometimes my self-control and ability to become irritable or angry don’t even one another out. Sometimes I’m really impatient…and mean. I don’t want to be any of those things. It just happens. 

Sometimes I’m ridiculously emotional, like today, when I cried in the car for thirty minutes for absolutely no reason at all. It’s who I am, it’s humanity – and even though I know prayer and maturity and self-control are all better options, sometimes I let the wheels come off and behave irrationally. If you are talking to my sweet, extremely patient husband, it happens more than sometimes. Particularly if it is a particular week on a monthly calendar. 

 

But he’s not perfect either – he’s a bear when he’s hungry, incapable of thinking of anything else when he has a work thing on his mind, and best of all, he loves to pick on me because he thinks it’s cute when I’m mad. I don’t know about you, but the last thing I feel like when I am angry is cute. 

The point I’m trying to make here, is that marriage is hard. It just is. It’s agreeing to have the same person right next to you for the rest of your life – their toothbrush next to your toothbrush, elbow to elbow in the car, bed, closet, church, dinner table,  and bathroom mirror for ever and ever amen. And, while that definitely does get easier over time, it is NOT easy to jump in with this arrangement straight from a blissful engagement and tropical honeymoon. 

What I wish more people would be honest about is how miserable the first year of marriage can be for newlyweds. While you’re engaged, you’re absolutely bombarded with the idea of newlywed bliss, all shacked up with your new hubby all to yourself. You’ll keep your house spectacular and tidy at all times, and he will love everything you cook and bring you flowers every month on the way home from work. You love each other so much you could burst, so it’s definitely not going to be hard to live together, right?

Wrong. 

Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. I wish someone could have told me the truth – not that I would have listened. I was just as starry-eyed as the next affianced girl. You couldn’t have told me anything. I boasted about how David and I were different. Marriage was going to be easier for us, we had the relationship thing down-pat. We’d be together forever…

While I still believe that David and I will always be together – I do love him with all my heart, and I do still believe that what we have is special and unique, I now have a more realistic and non-judgmental understanding of why marriages fail, and why it is so important to put forth a significant effort to keep mine strong. 

You see, there’s this part of us, whether we lived with our parents, by ourselves, or with a roommate or two before marriage, that is wildly independent. As a single woman, I answered to no one. I made plans without having to take anyone else’s time in consideration, I was able to multitask and sometimes successfully execute three or four activities all in one day, I could stay up as late as I liked, sleep in as late as I wanted when I didn’t have anything else to do. I could spend all day in my pajamas reading a book and not eating a thing until dinnertime and it didn’t affect anyone but me. I didn’t have to share my time with anyone, I didn’t have to take time to think about anyone else’s feelings, and I while my freedom was always within reason, I was able to do pretty much anything I wanted. 

Relationships are so different from marriage in this way because you’re not living with a spouse, you aren’t one flesh with one schedule and one budget, and one set of 24 hours in a day to do all the things you need to do – together. 

Needless to say, I wasn’t at all prepared for the culture-shock that marriage was going to be for me. I both rebeled against aligning my time with my new husband’s, and was continuously frustrated with his inability to align his schedule with mine. He was still coming and going as he pleased, not adjusting his work-schedule to bring him home in time for dinner every night. And I was spending plenty of nights home alone fuming as dinner went cold. 

We fought – and fought and fought and fought. We’re both two very strong personalities and so we clashed on everything. If you had told me before marriage that David and I would have a full-on serious argument about which brand of mayonnaise we were going to buy I would have laughed. How ridiculous! But once you get into the “my mom always did it like ___________” conversations, you realize that literally anything can be a source of contention in a marriage.  Don’t even get me started on when he doesn’t like something your family has eaten for dinner your entire life – it’ll feel like he’s just insulted your mother!

So many times, it’s unbelievable how many times, in that first year of marriage did I really and truly wish with all of my heart that I wasn’t married anymore. I would pray and promise everything, anything anything to be free of the burden of marriage. I felt like I was losing myself, that I was having to become someone else. And I didn’t want to, I liked myself just fine. It was scary and very unlike anything I ever experienced before.

Someone asked me right after I was married if I felt married and I was very honestly surprised that I had to say no. I had always thought it would feel different immediately, that it would be some sort of miraculous transformation, and that as soon as we were pronounced man and wife, I would feel lovingly bonded to my husband forever. But feeling married comes on slowly, creepingly and honestly, it wasn’t until I was in the thick of things that I truly felt married – but of course it wasn’t in the lovingly bonded way that I had hoped, instead I felt well and thoroughly yoked. 

But this isn’t meant to be a story of doom and gloom, rather it is one of triumph. Marriage is meant to be two people, coming together, from two very different lives, and making a new life and family together. It’s a beautiful thing, and it has been the best thing in my life. However, for me to truly appreciate and accept this part of myself, there was just as much I had to let go of to embrace it. Becoming a wife for me was like shedding a skin. It wasn’t comfortable at all and I fought against it kicking and screaming. 

One of the most important lessons I have learned from marriage is something I never really had the privilege of understanding from the examples of the married folks in my life (mostly because none of their marriages were ones to look to) was that just because David and I didn’t see eye to eye on things, and just because we drove each other nuts sometimes, did not mean that we weren’t going to make it. You see, I didn’t know how to disagree with my husband or have him disagree with me without overreacting to it. Just because David and I couldn’t agree on what kind of mayonnaise to buy, or how to load the dishwasher, or how many goals we could accomplish in one day didn’t mean that we were destined for divorce like I feared –what it meant was that we were experiencing our growing pains. We were learning things about each other that had never mattered before when we weren’t living under the same roof and we were learning how to love and compromise through the hiccups in our domestic  bliss. 

David and I still argue, and many times it's still over silly things. From experience, though, we are better equipped with knowing when to let things go, when to give each other space, when to compromise, and most importantly, when to let the other have their way – just because we love each other. 

I still study and learn from my husband, and I know he is still learning from me. As we have rejuvenated our Christian faith and our lifestyles have adjusted accordingly, I have learned to let him lead more than ever. While it has been something I’ve grown more and more comfortable with throughout our marriage, I’ve recently been willingly giving him the final say in everything. I do so not because I don’t think my ideas are valid or because I don’t think I can make my own decisions – but because I trust him to take my feelings and ideas in consideration when he does make the choice.  Most of the time, he does things exactly how I would have done them, and even when he doesn’t, I feel comfortable knowing that sometimes things are not completely on my shoulders in life. I’m perfectly comfortable giving this to him.

Two and a half years in is nothing in the larger scheme of marriage, but I can tell you with all my heart, that I am more in love and more happy with my husband now than I have ever been. I am more content, comfortable, and smitten with him now even when he’s driving me crazy than I was six months ago and twice more than I was six months before that, and so on. He and I have faced so much together already, and he has been there for me and supportive of me in ways that no one else has ever been. Time has given us this comfort, and good character on his part has given me the security and support to know that whatever we face in the future, we’re going to do it hand in hand. 

Christ has strengthened our marriage more than ever. Instead of facing our problems all alone and without guidence, we pray. We pray at meal times, we pray before bed, we pray for each other, and pray to lift up our concerns for everyone and everything else. We have accepted God’s will in all things and take the comfort that can be derived from it. We are kinder to one another, more patient, more eager to please the other as a good husband and wife. We’re less selfish, and by being so, more of our needs are met by the other, and not in a scramble to do for ourselves. Our faith and marriage grows stronger every day.

David and I aren’t perfect, sometimes we argue daily. In fact, inspiration for this blog came from me storming upstairs in a huff because he started eating my freshly baked brownies out of the dish with a fork instead of letting me cut them into perfect squares. I was furious! But, by the time I was upstairs and into my pajamas, though, I was already sorry. As much as the thought of my brownies in crumbles drives me nuts, and I’m really trying not to focus on it lest I get exasperated again, it doesn’t really matter. Not in the long run. 

Instead, I choose to focus on the wonderful things about our marriage that I take for granted until we’re apart. Like how David is truly and completely a partner and a team player with me on all things. He takes responsibility and apologises when he’s wrong. He takes half the burden on daily chores like who is going to walk the dogs in the morning and at night vs who is going to make breakfast or pick up the living room before bed. When I don’t feel good or have had a long day substituting, he’ll tell me to go take a nap and cooks dinner for us, his choice. Sometimes I go to put up the laundry and discover he’s already done it and it’s not unusual to see him outside washing one of our cars after work. There’s so many things I can rely on him to take care of without ever being asked, and my daily life is spent endeavoring for him to be able say that about me too.  

David’s and my marriage may be young, but we already have what so many people are without, and that is a solid foundation.  In my life, where so many family members and close friends have come and gone in spite of my love for them, it has been both terrifying and refreshing for someone to come into my life and want to stay forever on purpose, no exceptions. I have no doubt in my mind that the Lord brought us together.  I am so thankful for him, for all of him – even the parts that drive me crazy – and on the fourth anniversary of the day he came into my life, I’m pleased to say that there’s no where I’d rather be, and no person I’d rather be, than his wife. 

If there is anything that can be taken away from this post, I hope it will be that while new marriages are often hard, they’re absolutely worth seeing through and building upon. What we need now more than ever, in this world, is to focus on our families and our faith – if we don’t it will fade with the wind. While I’m still waiting for someone to send me an “I survived the newlywed phase” t-shirt, I hope you’ll take from this a little peace and comfort that your own marriage is more resilient than the petty things you and your spouse tend to spar over. 

Happy anniversary, David, I am so thankful for our marriage and I’m glad I let you switch us to Duke’s mayonnaise and that you learned to let me load the dishwasher how I want.

Blessings!

Autumn Series - Intro

Now that I'm really getting going with this blog, I thought I would start my first series. I love Autumn so much, I think it borders on going even further than that. For whatever reason, I just seem to always feel more alive in the fall. It's the smells, the colors, the food, the activities, and maybe even the scarves. I don't know what it is about this glorious season that just makes me so unbelievably happy. But whatever it is, I am so happy to share my love for all things fall.

Here in Georgia, there seems to be so many activities this time of year, that there just isn't time to do everything. My sister loves soccer, and has been playing it practically her entire life, so with the new school year comes a new season of soccer playing. She's trying something a little different this year, and was blessed to be chosen to play for a select team, and thus we've been getting up early on Saturday mornings and chasing her all over the state to watch her games. It really is such a wonderful gift to for us (grandparents, daddy, sister, hubby and myself) to be able to all pile in my dad's expedition and spend the day in the car, sitting together on the field watching her play, and having an afternoon together afterward. So many people don't have the privilege to see their families even once a week, much less have guaranteed days to spend with them like we do when she's playing soccer. It's such a great blessing and we love that it's all with the purpose of allowing my sister to do something she loves.

In any case, while we maneuver around her crazy soccer schedule, we're trying to balance some fall-themed activities in our lives along with our other responsibilities, it just brings me to another reason why I love this season. Every thing seams possible in the crisp fall air. Yes we can go to an apple orchard and a pumpkin farm in the same day! Yes we can go to the corn maize and the apple festival! That'll be just after church or after lunch or maybe if we hurry we can get there just in time to catch the hayride. There's so much fun to be had. I'm glad hubby's on board to enjoy it all with me!

David and I are really enjoying this season of life. With two years of marriage under our belts, we can safely say that the newlywed phase is ending for us, and that we're settling into something new that is both fresh and familiar. We're those people that found the newlywed phase really difficult. We struggled with finances, clashing character traits, personal loss, and with deciding what kind of married couple we wanted to be - ones who were going to face this world downtrodden and alone or ones that were ready to follow Christ. As the bible says, we all have that feeling deep down, that knowledge of God - of his love and understanding. What so many of us struggle against is actually the peace that following his guidance brings. I'm so happy to finally say that our family (present and future) will be following and serving the Lord. It has been one of the most freeing and refreshing feelings - letting go of trying to over-control everything, and choosing to cling to our faith. Being raised as Christians, we always knew the way to go, what was best, but found ourselves caught up and lost in the jumble of today's society and expectations. Faith seems, more often than not, to be lost in the journey. I'm relieved to report that for us, we are no longer lost. We've found home in Christ.

What a blessed season marks this Autumn, and we are ready to celebrate!

Love,
Casey